Naturally, when someone refers to a deadbeat parent, it’s automatically presumed to be the dad. This is likely the result of the high percentage of single moms. While the percentage of single moms is still higher than that of single fathers, more and more fathers are taking care of their children with little or no help from the mother. This is especially true when the father and mother of the child were never married.
Recently I’ve had an overwhelming number of consultations and conversations with fathers who complain of the mother of their children being a “deadbeat.” Although people rant and rave about “deadbeat” dads all the time, very seldom do we hear about “deadbeat” moms. Many people are still very surprised to learn that there is a such thing as a “deadbeat” mom.
While the absence of fathers is still, in most cases, detrimental factor to their child’s life, unfortunately it’s not surprising and in many cases, it’s expected. The opposite is the case when we think about moms. The thought of a mother, carrying a child for more than 9 months, giving birth to that child, and subsequently leaving them behind while they carry on with their life is absurd in the minds of most, especially in the minds of mothers, like myself, who are actively involved in every single aspect of parenting. And although I encounter this situation on a daily basis and have much experience in the area, there is still something unexplainable about the bond a mother and a child have
that leaves me completely dumbfounded at the idea that a mother can be a “deadbeat.” I keep asking myself “what in the world is going on?”
Through much observation while dealing with these circumstances, I’ve learned one thing for certain: In almost all cases where the mother leaves the child in the care of the father, with little or no involvement in their life, the mother either:
- Never really wanted children in the first placeThis usually occurs when the mother was carelessly involved in a (or many) relationships, engaged in unprotected sex and ends up pregnant. After having the child, rather than altering her life accordingly, like a mother should, she continues to engage in the “fast life” as though she never had a child, frequently leaves the child with the father or a babysitter, and eventually slowly fades out of the picture, coming around when it’s convenient for her, if at all.
- Only had the child in order to “keep” the father in their “romantic” relationship.
So many times women have this idea in their head that if they get pregnant, “he (the father) will stay” or “she’s got him.” Little do they know, that in almost all cases, the exact opposite is true. Unfortunately, this is the most common situation that arises and it almost always happens the same way. When it ultimately doesn’t work out between them, she will do the following, completely disregarding the child’s best interests, (usually in this order):
- attempt to use the child as a ploy to try to get what she wants from the father
- keep (or try to keep) the child away from the father
- eventually slowly fades out of the picture, coming around when it’s convenient for her, if at all.
- finally get a clue that the father doesn’t want the relationship
- continue to act like the concerned parent who wants the best for the child (which in her mind is really being with the father).
- support and custody of the child (if the father doesn’t file first).
Ladies, if the above describes you or someone you know, PLEASE STOP or encourage them to stop. Children already have it bad enough living in this crazy world. Children need positive parental figures in their lives. If you don’t want children, be more responsible in your sexual affairs. If you think getting pregnant will keep him, IT WON’T; even if it does, it will be for all the wrong reasons and it won’t be for long.
We have to do better for the children, the children are the future!
What are your thoughts and experiences on this issue? Have you noticed the trend of mothers becoming deadbeats?